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By James Johnson

Each year countless Americans gather together and take part in one of our country’s finest traditions - blowing stuff up. Such is, the 4th of July.

Unfortunately, in North Carolina residents are forced to watch trained professionals blow stuff up, due to fireworks laws preventing them from buying aerial fireworks, roman candles, rockets or live grenades (the last one, we kinda agree with). What we’re left with is sparklers, fountains, smoke devices, snake and glow worms, trick noisemakers and toy pistol caps. Of course, actual pistols are okay too.

For many the laws have only inspired annual road trips down south for the festive little explosives.

“Me and my friend drove down to South Carolina last 4^th of July. That was pretty fun,” said Fayetteville resident Joel Burrist. “We got some Pluto Invaders. I had a lot of money left over that week, so it was kind of impromptu.”

“Yeah, we shot a firework into his neighbor’s yard,” admitted Burrist’s friend, Dave Smith. “It was an accident. It burned the grass, but he never found out what happened.”

Papa Joe's Fireworks is closely guarded by two giant Republicans (both the normal and the log-cabin variety)..

The above quote is probably a prime example as to why these things are illegal to begin with.

“Usually all I get are the mortars,” said tattoo artist James Babb. “Why bother getting anything else? Get the best. You can light up the sky beautifully with them. Just don’t get caught.”

The sales of fireworks are big business in SC, with some NC visitors spending hundreds of dollars to ensure that their 4^th of July celebration rivals that put on by the professionals.

“My family spent more than $700 one 4^th of July,” said Lilly Thomson. “We wanted to get some huge fireworks, so my dad and his friend made the drive. I’d rank it as one of our best 4^th of July celebrations.”

That number may be high, but according to Kathy Thomas (no relation), sales clerk at Papa Joe’s Fireworks, in Hardeevillle, SC, the average traveling customer will drop between $100 and $150 big ones on fireworks.

“We get customers coming from all over, even as far as Florida,” K. Thomas said. “And during the summer, kids from Canada will come down here.”

Editor’s note: Canadian’s like blowing things up too!? What else have they been keeping  from us?

With the economy in the shape it is in, K. Thomas has noticed a decrease in travelers this year. Of course a tough economy could also mean laws may change. Just look at the North Carolina “Education” Lottery.

“I really don’t know why it is illegal here.  I guess there are just that many dumb people in the south,” noted Babb. “Really, just be careful, I mean, they are explosives. Don’t be an idiot.”